A couple of months ago, my left shoe started squeaking. The change
over from thump to squeak was gradual, as if it didn't want to attract
my attention about the whole thing. But I noticed. I was mildly
alarmed, since I had acquired the shoe in question only a couple of
full moons before the squeak became noticable. However, I paid no heed
to these qualms.

Today, as I was frolicking on the walkways on the way home from a
class, I noticed that no less than 3 other fellow frolickers were
afflicted with the same affliction as yours truly! And, these people
didn't have Nike shoes on like I did! And, all squeaking was being
perpetrated by the left shoe!

This indicates that even shoes that are not made by child laborers in
the third world are liable to squeak, but more importantly: the
squeaky shoe conspiracy is not limited to a single company!

Thus I propose the following actions to counter this threat:

1) Please make your right shoe squeak. This can be achieved by making
appropriate incisions into the sole of the shoe. It's not too
hard. When enough of us have done it, we may gain some knowledge on
the best way to achieve maximum squeakiness with minimum
effort. Stay tuned for this information.

2) If you come across someone whose left shoe is talkative and whose
right shoe is mum, please steal the left shoe and burn it. In the
beginning this will be easy to do, as people with only squeaky left
shoes will not be wise to our plans. Therefore it is
imperative that we strike quickly in order to quell left shoe
squeakiness before it becomes immune to our counter.

Whatever the objectives of the left shoe squeaky contingent, they will
surely be defeated if enough of us follow these steps. Please, heed my
call, lest you step outside one day to find that every left shoe
squeaks and the world is full of evil.